Blog | Heart Attack!

You can call them...Val

The hazy shades of winter are still upon us. But that day is coming. Flying Tiger Copenhagen is full of red-themed tat. But your romantic triste needs planning. You need help.

So, PSA time. 

We present 5.0 ways to leave your lover admiring your discerning taste. They already know your taste in people couldn't be better. You're a keeper, aren't you? Anyway, with luck, after this they might at least be pleased enough to offer to clean the cat's litter tray in the morning.

I know. Big win.

And not everywhere under Madrid's bright yellow sun and sapphire blue sky suits the date of all dates. You need a dining slate to make that date great. A space you can rate. A den with good gen. A diner that's finer. A bitchin' kitchen. We'll stop. Like North Atlantic icebergs in Spring, you've got the drift.

But, but, but. Before the recommendations, considerations. Dos. Don'ts. Don't even think about it, or you're sleeping in the litter trays.

Five words to the wise. 

Heed them. Or risk mournful late-night pining, homeward bound on Line 1, all on your lonesome.

1/5 The Company of Strangers?

I once spent an evening in a Scottish seafood restaurant. Next door was a couple. Well, one of them had (blindly, sportingly or professionally) agreed be part of one for the evening, but almost certainly no longer. Should your dining partner repeatedly loudly insist "This isn't going to work if you keep drinking like that!", a word to the wise; check in advance they're operating an escape codeword.

Anyway, you want atmosphere, not the sound of silence. Gentle chatter. Mood music. A culinary Centre Court murmur or Lords' Cricket Ground hum. Table spacing that lets you hear the world around you, but not end up adjudicating which one of the couple opposite gets custody of Arthur the hamster.

2/5 Hello darkness, my old friend

Subtle lighting is evidently good. But if it's so murky you're peering at menus by Iphones, that's unquestionably, a big no, no, no. All those piercingly bright little LEDs. Who wants dinner in an Adele concert?

So, you want not too moody and not too dim. Which is no bad aim in a life partner to start with. But this in case we mean enough candle power to track your date's demeanour. You want to know what love is. You have your pinkies crossed that they're planning to show you. You really don't want them to dip out during a bathroom excursion. So you need a little light that never goes out. There'd be not much worse than accidentally declaring undying devotion to a cardboard cut out of Darth Vader. Or a giant cuddly giraffe. Or passing Mother Superior.

3/5 Seafood? The mal de mer

Risky option, i frutti de mare. Does it sound a good plan? Wrestling armoured crustaceans with your rusty old nutcrackers?

 

Then strafing your intended with crabby shrapnel? You don't want to discover dank debris down your shirt, later that night. And you definitely don't want them to. Hopefully the thought of the cat nibbling away at something ("Mr Snuffles, stop licking there right now!") will make you think twice about fishy fish options.

4/5 Some like it hot

..but, as they say, nobody's perfect. So keep it interesting, but unexplosive - that way, even if it's Wednesday Morning, 3 A.M, you can ensure all reports are favourable. 

Oh and avoid onion soup. Trust us on this. It might sound an unlikely choice for a romantic dinner, but by the early morning it might sound unbelievable.

5/5 Better Bred or Breadhead?

Burgers? On a date night? Just don't. Even the classiest wordplay ("Vegan Whopper? This plant-eater can tell you now - it's not just what I call my burger, baby!") won't save you. Nothing is going to ruin a tete-a-tete quicker than you blithely splattering guacamole, finger lime salsa or star fruit ketchup over yourself, the table and/or flashing-eyed Fenella and/or hunky-toned Juan. 

And of course, a smug-looking, buffer than Buffy the Vampire slayer server will pop up, like a Disney genie with too many tattoos, at just the wrong moment. And they've got a packet of baby wet wipes. And, boy, do they know how to use them.

So there we are. Hopefully our warnings will leave you like half an octopus. Forearmed.

Getting Seriously Tasty

A sextet (now, now) of sweet nothings whispering worthies.

BarAmor

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Strengths Ambience & decor are like eating in a greetings card. In a good way. It's modern menu for Iberian flavour fiends.

Keep in mind Space is limited. Book early.

Heart rate: Won't go breakin' it. 💞💞💞💞

Federica

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Strengths A high quality food offer so the conversation won't drag. Understated atmosphere.

Keep in mind Another compact spot. Don't delay.

Heart rate Dinner won't leave it achey, so hopefully not breaky. 💞💞💞💞💞

Dspeakeasy

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Strengths Food is an evening's worth of talking points.

Keep in mind Cheap, it isn't and table spacing's not the best for quiet canoodling.

Heart rate: Best if everybody has a hungry one. 💞💞💞

Ouh... Babbo!

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Strengths Italian atmosphere. What more do you need? Well, the owner's likely to give it a touch of Lady and the Tramp at your table at the drop of a meatball.

Keep in mind Pizza dominates. How romantic is that? Really. How romantic is that?

Heart rate: Could totally eclipse other options, as owner Bruno is like a powder keg giving off sparks. 💞💞💞💞

La Encomienda

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Strengths Table spacing is good, lighting fits the occasion.

Keep in mind Plant-based menu suits some more than others.

Heart rate: Yours will go on. 💞💞💞

Gofio

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Strengths Undoubtedly would be a special occasion. Down a step in cost from DSpeakeasy.

Keep in Mind Michelin pedigree means pre-booking essential. Tasting menus, long and short, designed with multiple meat and seafood elements and a fair bit of finger food.

Heart rate: Listen to it. 💞💞💞💞

For a meal, wherever I should find it